Important things to remember while you read this:

Every single athlete is a different person with a different experience. Take what you can from reading this but apply it in a way that feels right to you.
Thought patterns don’t change over night, so go easy on yourself.
You might not be ready to hear this, and that’s ok.
Sport can be an amazing, beautiful, life shaping experience. But, it’s not the only amazing, beautiful, life shaping experience.

When I look at this picture it breaks my heart. I know what’s coming for her, and it is not going to be easy. This is an athlete who despite a long list of strengths and positive attributes, believes that most of her worth is tied up in her identity as an athlete. She has had a lacklustre senior season, and now it’s all over. She is about to drive 30 hours to a home that used to feel comfortable and safe, but now just feels terrifyingly normal. She feels alone, ashamed that she doesn’t really want to keep on competing, and unsure of what the future holds. She’s a tad self-destructive and in new territory that feels far more uncomfortable than any workout she’s ever done – and there have been some doozies!

The other feeling that comes to mind while I look at this is gratitude. That discomfort she is feeling is going to shape her, it will guide her to find new passions and teach her important lessons about empathy and the human experience. Because I was her, I am me. So, if I had a time travel machine would I go back and take away that painful experience? Nope. I would give that girl a big hug and this list of tips to help athletes find comfort in the discomfort of leaving a sport.

BE PATIENT

“ Regardless of the reasons behind your exit, remember that it’s ok to feel the emotions that you are feeling.”

Leaving a sport is uncomfortable, no matter what the factors contributing to that exit are. Sometimes you have control over the situation and the decision to step away feels inevitable, and sometimes an injury pushes you out before you have a chance to decide. Regardless of the reasons behind your exit, remember that it’s ok to feel the emotions that you are feeling. There is no playbook for this; your very powerful brain is going to want to steamroll through the mess of these emotions because frankly it feels icky and we are wired to escape “icky”. Remember to give yourself a break every once in a while, because finding passion in something new or a new way to be involved in the sport you love isn’t an overnight thing. Chances are you are a high performer who thrives on achievement and “pumping the breaks” is an unnatural feeling, however giving yourself time to take a step back and breathe could be exactly what you need. Emotions are not permanent, and even though this feels difficult right now it will not last forever.

YOUR STRENGTHS ARE YOURS

“Your experiences in sport have become a part of who you are.”

TRUST YOURSELF! You have gotten to where you are because of who you are. Participating in a sport can reveal qualities like grit, determination, leadership qualities, and heart – heck it can even develop them! But it is so important to remember that once your competitive life is over you retain all of those qualities; they're yours. Your experiences in sport have become a part of who you are, and even though you can’t freeze time to stay in this moment, you can continue to build. Keep in mind that you are the one who brought those strengths to the sport. Those ‘glory moments’ may not be as easy to identify, but I know you won’t lose the strengths that helped you find them.

YOU WON'T LOSE WHO YOU ARE AS YOU BECOME WHO YOU WILL BE

“Many athletes focus on what they are losing when they leave a sport, without acknowledging what they have gained. ”

There is nothing that can erase the experiences that you have had in your life. Write a goodbye letter to your sport and be honest. Reflect on the following:

The best moments in your athletic career
The hardest times in your athletic career
The things you are grateful for
The lessons you learned
The strengths that you will now carry forward in your life

DEVELOP YOUR IDENTITY

“Many people build their identity around their sport instead of seeing it as a part of who they are.”

Because of the commitment that it takes to be a competitive athlete, many people build their identity around their sport instead of seeing it as a part of who they are. The distribution of hours in your day does not have to reflect the way that you identify. Remember that you are also a daughter/son, a friend, a creative being, a chef, a sibling, a fashionista, a fitness enthusiast, a significant other, an incredible writer, an artist, a humanitarian, a christian/muslim/athiest etc. Yes, being an athlete is a huge part of who you are and that won’t change, but you are more than JUST an athlete. Try describing yourself in 15 sentences, only one of those sentences can mention that you play a sport. At first, this might seem very difficult, but your athletic identity didn’t develop overnight either. Keep working at it, because when you start to see yourself as a whole person life changes!

YOU MATTER. YOU MATTER. YOU MATTER

“You are important, you are enough, you are becoming who you will be by building on who you are now.”

This is the most important tip of all. This is going to be hard. You are going to rebuild your life starting with your schedule and how you spend your time, then you are going to have to figure out who you are without a sport. You won’t have the same newspaper write ups, adoring fans (even if that just means you won’t be calling home to report your results to your adoring family as frequently), or status; but YOU STILL MATTER. You are important, you are enough, you are becoming who you will be by building on who you are now.